Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize