OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
