saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Randomize
