I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
