she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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