They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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