My nipple is on Facebook.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
