and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Randomize
