How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
