Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
