Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
