we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
