mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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