I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
