You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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