where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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