oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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