Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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