my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
