at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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