i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
