just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize