Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize