Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
