By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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