Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
