dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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