I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize