I'm jealous of your bromance
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
