No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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