i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
