Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
