I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
