she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
