Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
