Who wears a wallet chain?!
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
