we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
