If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
