Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
