why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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