I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
