70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
