Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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