I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
