At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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