Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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