go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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