Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
