I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
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