You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
