Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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