Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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