I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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