i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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