My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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