Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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