very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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