Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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