do herpes really smell.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
