Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Help me help you realize you are a moron
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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