As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
