I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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