I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize