your parents love me but you hate me
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
