it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
