You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
