Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
